15 Poker Player Profiles From The Game of Thrones
With the image of Daenerys Targaryen and her army of dragons, hairy men and horses, crossing the Narrow Sea on her way to ransack the Iron Throne, seared into Game of Thrones minds, and no word from the producers about when she is to land and wreak havoc. Fans are left watching reruns, putting on Game of Thrones themed parties, and debating who we think the greatest poker players of Westeros might be?
1. Jon Snow
Jon Snow would be rubbish at poker.
His impulsivity and loyalty to others will see him try to take on the entire table. He is too aggressive and has the subtlety of a wrecking ball.
He is also one of those players you don't want in your home game, especially if there are kids about because everyone keeps calling him a bastard. Plus his wolf would eat all of your dog food.
You know nothing about poker, Jon Snow.
2. Daenerys Targaryen
Daenerys Targaryen would be a perfect fit on the international circuit because she can learn any language in a matter of hours - she even knows how to speak dragon.
She has a heart - even ate a horse's once - and the charm and ability to get inside the heads of all the players at the table. She would also be the Vanessa Selbst of the Strip Poker world.
But she is still inexperienced, and God forbid if she ever made the final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event. It would take Jack Effel 30-minutes to reel off all her names and titles.
3. Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion Lannister is a dark horse.
The poker players will underestimate him because let's face it, everyone does. But The Imp is as resourceful as they come and you can bet a night out in a Little Finger brothel that he would have read every single poker book in existence before he sat on his booster seat looking for a game.
From a financial perspective, Lannister is a great poker player. Not only does he have the bankroll to play in the highest stakes games, but a Lannister always pays his debts.
Your only problem with Tyrion is keeping him away from the free ale and short-skirted waitresses at the casinos.
4. Grey Worm
Grey Worm has the ultimate poker face.
Seriously, this guy gives away nothing. His years of training in the Unsullied has ensured his emotions stay firmly in check making him a master of the tilt-free game.
But, Grey Worm also plays by the rules and will rarely bluff. His lack of education and simple math skills will be a problem,as will the fact that he has no balls because castration reduces your levels of testosterone, and that comes in handy in poker.
5. Cersei Lannister
You had better make sure that the poker table is prim and proper when Cersei Lannister sits down for a game. Cersei's strength comes from her need for power, and she will stop at nothing to beat the game.
You can also count on a magnificent reg war with this lady because boy does she hold a grudge. And don't get too close to her because everyone that does ends up like Roy Orbison.
Her beauty and seduction will lead you into a false sense of security, and she isn't afraid to bluff. Just keep an eye out if her twin brother Jaime sits down for a game, as the two are rather very close.
6. Jaime Lannister
Jaime Lannister has everything an online poker room is looking for in an ambassador. He is good looking, controversial, and extremely loyal. But he does have one particular problem.
Like a leper, he is always throwing his hand in.
Every top poker player needs two hands. One to riffle the chips and one to peek at their cards 25 times a minute. Jaime is going to have a problem on that score.
And let's not forget the nuisance factor every timea king hits the flop, turn or river and the rest of the table shout out,"Watch out, here comes the Kingslayer!"
Varys would come into the game armed with moreinformation than his opponent's thanks to tweets from his little birds.
His meta-game and strategic plays will be farsuperior to everyones. Varys is the perfect poker player because he can't betilted, and he knows the importance of pushing aside instant gratification forlong term gain.
The only problem with Varys is his inability tocheck-raise the river because he doesn't have any balls.
8. Little Finger
Petyr 'Little Finger' Baelish is the most well-equipped poker player in all of Westeros, and you just know that the highest stakes games are going to be played out in his gaff.
All great poker players have great nicknames (Daniel Negreanu excepted), and Little Finger is right up there. The man who will snoga dog to get to the top is the perfect tactician using stealth and trickery to fool his opponents.
Like Varys, Little Finger would excel in the meta-game and is disinterested in short term gratification, with only the long-term ambition of ruling the world in his sights.
Chaos isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder.The climb is all there is." Said Little Finger
As a former Master of Coin, there is nobody better to understand the art of bankroll management. He is devious, cunning, charming and can provide poker tournaments with as many ladies of the night as you can imagine.
9. Arya Stark
With a sharp mind, wit, and tongue, Arya Stark would be the perfect poker player. Circumstances have forced her to gain independence at a young age, so she would have no problem moving from game to game to findvalue.
Arya also understands the power of finding a mentor,and people will be bamboozled by her many styles thanks to her tutelage under the Many-Faced God, where she also gained experience playing blind.
Stark's two drawbacks would be convincing the Global Poker Index (GPI) to rank her in the female charts because everyone thinks she is a boy. She also holds a grudge.
Walder Frey, Cersei Lannister, Ilyn Payne, Gregor Clegane, Sandor Clegane, Melisandre, Beric Dondarrion, Thoros of Myr, Phil Ivey, Phil Hellmuth.
10. Sandor Clegane
If the Hound loved poker as much as he likes killing people he would be one hell of a player. Although, I am not sure the casino shave enough space in their cloakroom for all that armour and weaponry.
Another problem with Sandor is his Tourette style free flowing us of the vernacular that will see him receive many penalties from any Tournament Director brave enough to dish them out.
His fierceness will be a virtue, but he doesn't know when to stop, thinking he can take on and beat anyone in the game. And don't let him play in a casino where smoking is allowed. The first person to light a match will be minus a head.
11. Brienne of Tarth
Brienne of Tarth would be an interesting pokerplayer. Her high levels of testosterone would make her one of the greatest female poker players in the game. And she is not afraid to take on the men or animals, nearly killing The Hound and surviving a fight with a bear.
One of the problems Brienne faces is her desire to be respected and accepted by men. There is no room for such frailty in the game of poker, and it would be a leak for sure.
Loyal to the core, Brienne prefers to serve and protect rather than lead, although everyone she tries to protect ends up dead.So, if she is in the #1 seat, I would make sure I was sitting in the #10 and wouldn't say a word to her.
Melisandre, otherwise known as the Red Woman, will be one of those players who ignores Bill Chen preferring to believe that the Poker Gods will provide all the value she needs.
She would rather annoyingly refer to The Lord of Light every time she explains her reasoning at the poker table, but she can bring people back from the dead, so that ticks the First Aider box for most casinos.
Melisandre would use all of her seductive powers to gain an edge in the game, and I would avoid sharing a drink with her.
13. Bran Stark
When he's not falling out of windows, Bran would make an excellent poker player.
As a Warg, Bran could move into the bodies of the fish, whales, and sharks at the table to see their hole cards. He is also a natural leader and inquisitive. Unafraid to seek out the very best mentors in the game, and with the courage to face off against the mightiest in the land,he would be stern opposition for anyone.
He also has a wolf.
You don't want to mess with a wolf.
15. Sansa Stark
Sansa Stark is fast turning into a clever little poker player.
It wasn't that long ago that she was immature,naive, and easily robbed of anything that she held close to her heart. But with that pain has emerged a more astute and confident young woman who is looking for revenge.
As Sansa showed at the Battle of the Bastards, she is a strategist and doesn't reveal her hand early. She would deceive many people at the table, coming across as quite the lady, while secretly plotting to take every penny from your considerably sized war chest.
11. Samwell Tarly
Samwell Tarly is one of those whales (literally) you want and don't want in the game in equal fervour. You know he is going to take up your legroom and eat all the free buffet, but he is a coward, and easy to bluff.
Sam makes up for his cowardice by being scholarly-minded. Like Tyrion Lannister, Sam will arrive prepared for the game having read every poker book from Super System to Play Poker Like the Pros. Andhe even killed a White Walker once, which is the equivalent of beating Phil Ivey heads-up for rollz.